One of the topics we address in our Marriage School is the danger of negativity in a relationship. Let's talk more about overcoming negativity in marriage and why you must master this in order to begin learning how to save a marriage and avoid falling out of love. It doesn't take a professional to tell you the devastating effects of negativity on your marriage. You may be aware of the bottomless pit you may find yourself in at this moment in your relationship.
More inspiration for detoxing your relationship from negativity:
- How to save a marriage even if you've fallen out of love
- My spouse fell out of love with me, how can I get him/her to fall in love with me again?
- The surest way to avoid divorce is with a private marriage retreat
Why negativity is bad for your marriage
One of the problems with negativity is the vicious cycle it creates. We reinforce our neural pathways in our brain so that one negative thought will lead to more. Couples get to the point where they are so bitter and resentful that they can't go on.
Overcoming Negativity in Marriage- How?
What is the remedy for this situation and how can you save your marriage by becoming aware of the toxicity of negativity? Positive connection. When we focus on connection and our positive feelings, we begin to experience more connection.
This is at the heart of Chapter 5- Love Infusions- of our Marriage School. Sometimes, there is so much bad energy in a relationship that the most important thing to do is not to discuss the issues, but to go out on a date, perform caring behaviors, and share appreciations. There needs to be positive interaction to break the negative pattern, otherwise when you do try to resolve matters of conflict, you will get nowhere. Many couples are so hurt that they are so fixated on focusing on what is wrong with the relationship. It would behoove them to begin to see what's right with the relationship and focus on what they want out of the relationship instead of what their spouse is doing wrong. We address the latter point in Step 3, Chapter 3, Detox Your Marriage.
Marriage can be so difficult and overwhelming, yet the solutions really can be so simple if we are willing to open our eyes and give it our all. I am quite excited for Dr Harville Hendrix and Dr Helen LaKelly Hunt's Zero Negativity challenge. In their new book, Making Marriage Simple, they discuss how they have achieved zero negativity in their own relationship and they are in the testing stages of such a program. I am receiving some sample kits and can't wait to try it with my couples as well as with my wife. They will be speaking at this year's Imago conference in New Orleans and launching this challenge which I am sure will have a tremendous impact on so many couples.
I have seen so many couples with potential for growth and healing, yet their negativity is often what gets in the way of achieving success. As you enjoy the rest of your summer, try to spend quality time with your spouse. You don't have to spend money on a fancy vacation. The key is to do something. Have fun, compliment each other, and show that you care. It is possible to revive the lost you once had.
These resources can save your marriage. Take advantage of them!
Be in touch,
Shlomo and Rivka Slatkin