Every couple experiences marriage problems at some point in their relationship. Some couples have big problems, some small, but we all have them.
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- It's normal to have relationship problems. Here's why.
You may be pushing away the problems, hoping they'll go away.
Or perhaps you try to speak about the problems to your spouse to try to fix them, and it only makes things worse.
You've even gone to a marriage counselor or a therapist on your own, and it never worked, or likely, even made things worse.
You have no tools that you are able to consistently use and at the end of the day so you never do what it takes to make a truly awesome marriage that will make you both happy.
Instead of having a marriage that is totally awesome, you're a little embarrassed to be seen with your spouse. And popular relationship advice says to go out on dates, but you hesitate to go out together in public.
You joke about the problems, or try to cover them up, not wanting people to know that you're having problems.
Maybe you're scared that if you really worked on your problems, that your spouse won't respond or want to be married anymore and that you'd have to get divorced or separated. Maybe you're scared to dredge up more problems and make things worse, when status quo seems ok.
Or is it? See, pushing or ignoring your marriage or relationship problems, and going on facebook instead or hanging out with your guy friends or girl friends, is never going to work.
Why's that? Because your relationship problems exist to draw your attention to them, to heal them at the very source, and will NOT go away until you and your spouse address them in a connected and safe manner.
And it probably doesn't work when you try to do this on your own because of all of the past conflict you've had! Connecting in a safe manner is very hard to do by onesself.
It's even hard to do with your local therapist, because most of them don't really know how to work with couples and they end up mediating or negotiating, rather than doing what they're supposed to be doing, which is to heal the problems at their source.
So, if you're ignoring the problems or "exiting" your relationship by talking to friends, or looking for the most convenient and "cheapest" therapist out there, that isn't going to work! Even if you think you can work on yourself first, by meeting with your own individual therapist and then coming back to your spouse, that just isn't going to work.
How do we know? Because, we were wounded in relationship, and we need to heal in relationship.
That is where your growth edge is. You need to turn towards your spouse and connect with them in a way that is safe.
That is when things really start to shift.
Because when you do so, you expand and heal yourself, all while growing closer to your spouse, rather than AWAY from him/her.
Remember, rather than avoid, transform.
Learn from whatever is going on and then add the best marriage strategies in the world to bring this deeper understanding to your life.
Before you know it you'll have an amazing marriage. And you'll be so proud of it.
Here at The Marriage Restoration Project, we're not alarmed by marriage problems, we welcome them. Because that tells us you are in the RIGHT relationship not the wrong one, like you may have thought.
Isn't that contrary to so much of the marriage advice out there? Most couples that are experiencing marriage problems are advised to separate and ultimately divorce.
It's hard to make a marriage amazing in a world that puts marriage down or jokes about it. It's hard to make a relationship successful if most counselors and therapists out there actually advise separation or divorce when that is the exact opposite of what you could be doing.
That's why it's not working for you, because it doesn't solve what really is going on.
We'd like to invite you to take a look at what does work. Take a look at our amazing marriage program and services. We are here for you!
Be in touch,
Shlomo and Rivka Slatkin