My daughter had a friend over recently whose own parents recently divorced. When she found out I am a marriage counselor, she said, "But isn't it true that some marriages are just meant to fail? I mean, my parents tried everything and there was nothing more that they could do. That's just how it was meant to be for them, right?"
Many people believe that there is no marriage counseling advice out there that could possibly revive a failed marriage.
More inspiration about reviving a failing marriage:
- Undergo a relationship detox and learn how to save a marriage
- Should I give her space or keep trying?
- Discover the secret blessing of your marital conflict
When the ten year old girl asked the question at our dinner table about her own parents' marriage, we chose to treat it as a rhetorical question and simply hear her and what she was saying without answering things differently, as this was how she needed to cope.
But in actuality, the idea that, "There's nothing more we can do" and "We've tried everything", and that "Some marriages are just doomed to fail" is simply a myth.
Couples aren’t willing to invest the time and energy it takes to make the relationship work. There is an expectation that marriage shouldn’t have to be so hard.
Unfortunately though, because we all come with baggage and most of us were not taught the relationship skills necessary for marriage, we MUST put in the effort to make the relationship grow and not cease until we find what works to do just that!
At the same time though, it makes sense that if you feel no hope in your marriage, then why would you want to put in the hard work?
Here's what you need to know that most marriage counseling does not reveal.
There's an "unconscious agenda" that brought you and your spouse together.
Meaning, there's a HUGE potential for growth and healing in your relationship, and if you understand this, then you'll know that the conflict you are experiencing is PROOF that you chose the right partner. This thought will give you hope and motivation to put in the hard work.
When a couple can see what is really going on in their relationship and understand that there is a greater purpose and healing trying to happen, they finally develop hope.
And that hope is so valuable in their own healing and will become the catalyst that will end up motivating them to do the work.
We hold the hope for you and your relationship that it can be better and that it was not for naught that you chose each other.
Invest in your relationship and see that hope develop into the relationship of your dreams.
If you'd like to discover the growth opportunity that is underneath your marriage conflict, contact us. The best way to stop divorce is with a 2 day private marriage retreat.
Be in touch,
Shlomo and Rivka Slatkin