If your wife wants a divorce, it's important to reflect on what has led up to this point and what could be done differently that might reverse her decision.
- Are you a Turtle or a Hailstorm?
- Learn the Imago Dialogue to stay safe!
- How to save a marriage when she wants out
There is usually one person in the marriage who minimizes their energy, (let's call him the Turtle) and one who maximizes her energy (let's call her the Hailstorm).
The Turtle goes into his shell when he doesn't feel safe. The Hailstorm pursues the Turtle when she isn't noticed or seen-which feels incredibly unsafe and scary to her.
While there are plenty of women that are Turtles, we typically see women as the Hailstorm in the relationship.
This means that she learned at a very young age that in order to get her needs met, she needs to make a lot of noise.
If you're a turtle, that probably feels very threatening. And it could be the reason why you may have pulled away, checkout out, or been absent emotionally.
The problem is, she needs your attention and might be feeling neglected.
So what you need to do at this point, to get your wife back, is to show up for her and be present so that she can feel loved and cherished.
Learn the Mirroring process in the Imago dialogue so that you can "protect yourself" when she expresses intense emotion.
It will make her feel heard and will make you feel safe.