A Friend Meddling in a Marriage can be very Harmful.
More inspiration for protecting your marriage from a meddling friend:
- Frenemies and Friends, who helps you to feel better?
- When all your friends around you are getting divorced
For years I struggled with a woman my wife befriended. The couple was nice and our oldest boys were best friends. I considered the couple to be friends. However, there seemed to be a consistent negative feedback whenever the ladies spent time. The other woman's 'credentials' as a therapist were not university gained. Her advice was almost universally pro my wife and everything wrong with me. Without ever having a conversation with me. She never gained my side of the story only to give pro-wife and anti-marital advice.
Your book has helped me to see the energy leak and possibly understand it. Since this is my wife's best friend (I have definitely been excluded for this title) I'm not certain how to plug this particular leak. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you for your email. I am glad you found the book helpful. Unfortunately, your situation is all too common. It's hard to plug someone else's leak when they may not be willing to. I would do your best to try to spend more quality time together with your wife and keep the energy in the relationship, at least from your end.
When you are upset, try to be able to deal with the issues directly.
If you were both to learn the dialogue process, that would be great.
When couples deal with issues together instead of finding friends, therapists, or other activities to distract themselves with, they are able to close the leaks. It may take time and you may reach a point where you can have an open an honest discussion about this "best friend" without your wife getting defensive.
I almost always know that there is “infidelity” (whether an actual affair or an energy leak) happening when there is absolutely no interest in working on the relationship. I often am prompted to ask in such a case if there is an affair. If there isn’t, there is usually a therapist or another “advice-giver” involved. I can always hear when there is the voice or influence of another. It is particularly sad because the relationship is usually salvageable. Chapter Two of our book, the Five-Step Action Plan to Saving your Marriage is all about "Sealing your Exits". This addresses the topic above, like a friend meddling in a marriage, or even relationships with individual therapists which we talk about here.
Be in touch,
Shlomo and Rivka Slatkin