If you have a lot of baggage from childhood, it's common to wonder if you should first seek out a therapist for yourself and then come back to your marriage a better person.
In Imago therapy, we believe that we were all wounded in relationship and the best way to heal is through relationship. Participating with your spouse in Imago therapy is deeply healing for you as a couple but for each of you as individual people, as your spouse will be able to really "get" what it was like for you as a child.
More inspiration about marriage and family therapy vs individual therapy:
- How my therapist destroyed my marriage, has this happened to you?
- Marriage counseling or individual counseling for an unhappy marriage?
- More than a communication technique, Imago therapy is deeply healing
We are having issues in our marriage and some of it may be due to problems in my past that I haven't dealt with or problems in "our" past as a couple that haven't been dealt with. I've never had any counseling of any kind my entire life but my wife did and she's said it helped her immensely. Should I seek out an individual counselor for one on one or marriage and family therapy that deals with us together? I haven't a clue.
All of us at one point were wounded though relationships (parent, caregiver, family, etc) and marriage gives us the opportunity to heal ourselves, through our relationship with our spouse.
Our spouse is triggering in us the old unmet needs that we experienced in childhood and therefore it's important to work together even to heal individual issues.
When a marriage is in crisis, if the couple or part of the couple seek out an individual therapist, to work on their marriage issues, an unfortunate triangulation can sometimes occur.
Consider trying out Imago therapy as it is the the safest form of marriage counseling that exists as the therapist is there to heal the space between you both, not to give his or her opinion about whose at fault or to blame, etc.
Be in touch,
Shlomo and Rivka Slatkin